Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Dark Days Lie Ahead

Despite the parsimonious nature in which I now conduct my life and the sweeping sacrifice of conventional Epicurean indulgences I have made, I have no doubt that I am living in the halcyon days of my early adulthood.  The question now is not whether darkness and turbulence lie ahead--that is unavoidable--nor whether I have the fortitude to weather them--of course I do.

The question now is, when all my prospects are exhausted and potential expired, when the universe of rational thought has dismissed my beliefs with totality, when courage has long since devolved into megalomania, when every relationship has been consumed, every promise abandoned, and not one grain of compassion remains even to counterfeit sympathy, will I capitulate to sense and reason?  Will I allow relief and repose to lift me out of the mire and send me down the warm path of contentment?  Or will I possess the psychotic obsession necessary to claw my mangled fingers against dirt and stone until I inconceivably grind them into gold?

A knowledgeable man once told me that most people chasing my dream quit not for lack of talent but for an abundance of options.  The ones most likely to fail are the ones most able to succeed elsewhere.

When the storm at last clears and the sky opens again, will the sun see me standing on my feet saying, "I'm done," or will it find me lying on my back saying, "I've done it."

Thursday, April 22, 2010

I Revel in My Own Pettiness

When I'm disgustingly rich and famous, I'm going take a picture of my balls and send it to everybody who's ever unfriended me or rejected my friend request on Facebook.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

An Analogy for Avatar

In 1993, video game publisher Brøderbund released a game called Myst, in which the player explores a mysterious island in first-person.  It was the first game to fully utilize all the graphical and audio capabilities of then-nascent CD-ROM technology, and it quickly annihilated all previous computer game sales records. Likewise, game critics almost unanimously exalted it as a consuming, immersive interactive experience.

In a few years, when the rest of the industry caught on with how to properly use the CD-ROM, the loose curlies around Myst’s bikini line started to show. The storyline was short and trite. The gameplay was nothing but out-of-context puzzles. The gig was up: Myst was a shitty game. Even worse, after years of other companies copying Myst’s template, critics—even more unanimously than before—panned it as the force that killed the adventure genre (at least until Heavy Rain this year).

Consider Myst when you hear Hollywood critics lauding Avatar as a socially conscious and compelling epic or see James Cameron modestly gracing the cover of BusinessWeek with the impossibly immodest title, “King of the World (Again).” 

Yes, the entire planet of Pandora and the breathtaking battles that occur there were built for this technology, bringing viewers a 3D film experience never before seen (just like Captain Eo brought viewers a 3D dance fighting experience never before seen, so many Michael Jackson trials ago).  Yet underneath that gorgeous 3-D facade are 2-D characters half-baked from the same cookie sheets used for every "new world" movie from Pocahontas to Pathfinder.  Meanwhile, the reluctant video diary voiceovers and the deus ex machina resolution are enough to make screenwriting students cry into their financial aid receipts (or into your rejection letters if you're me).

Just as a dissenting critic in 1993 must have felt about the hullabaloo around a game that was little more than an interactive slideshow, I also feel confused about the clamor around a movie whose defining value is being a clinic on how to use 3D technology. Had any name been on that screenplay other than James Cameron or George Lucas, would it ever have gotten passed the intern at the production company? (Answer: Yes, I would've let it through just because it wasn't another shitty Knocked Up-wannabe romcom)

Without reservation, I commend all the animators and cinematographers’ ability to realize Cameron’s vision (and they won the appropriate Oscars for it). At the same time, I wouldn’t advise anyone to hold Avatar on a pedestal higher than simply being a revolution in 3D films.